Noobscraft

General => Other => Topic started by: lindatjuh on 16 Apr 2012, 09:57:34

Title: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 16 Apr 2012, 09:57:34
some of you may have noticed I'm trying to get a bit more fun into the forum by starting, restarting games.

this topic will get a Joke Everyday!
some who were on Teamspeak 3 last night may recognice some but that soon will change!

and if you have a joke aswell feel free to post!
but no jokes that are not inapropriate for underaged kids!
and don't forget to subscribe to the topic to get a message that there is a new post!

so for a while Ill be posting some Irish jokes on here.
then Ill move to other jokes.
there first is an intro joke. then there will be the real jokes.

COUTION!!!
 The following may cause you to laugh your head off!!!

Dubliner: "I've got some great Kerry jokes!"

Barman: "I'm warning you, I'm from Kerry."

Dubliner: "Don't worry, I'll tell them  slowly!"



Why do Kerry dogs all have flat faces?

|
|
|
|
|
|
|
V
From chasing parked cars.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: masterrbc on 16 Apr 2012, 11:57:00
Edited: Inappropriate


Fair enough :P
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: danniel1998 on 16 Apr 2012, 12:08:20
Hmm, I'm sure you need to keep things clean on the forums.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 16 Apr 2012, 12:14:50
Hmm, I'm sure you need to keep things clean on the forums.
thanks for sharing the same opinion with me dann


Thanks Joe!!
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Miner_man123456 on 16 Apr 2012, 14:18:48
I got some funny blonde jokes but idk if they are to "Good" :p

Here is another one less Inappropriate:

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

And one more just for fun :D

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"


Hope you like them may come with more later but the post will be to long :/


Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 17 Apr 2012, 10:46:04
How do you confuse a Kerryman?

|
|
|
|
|
|
V
Put two shovels against a wall and ask him to take his pick
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Miner_man123456 on 17 Apr 2012, 11:26:57
Good one Linda XD
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 17 Apr 2012, 23:15:20
that would confuse me too :P
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: achmedofhell on 17 Apr 2012, 23:57:09
Yo mama so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard :D

(not directed towards anyone)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 18 Apr 2012, 01:00:48
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
 

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 18 Apr 2012, 07:09:16
genius Nickolas xD

ok todays joke :P

A kerryman was taken to hospital.
the cow fell on him as he was having a drink of milk.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: masterrbc on 18 Apr 2012, 12:08:12
What is a kerryman????? Jokes are ALOT better when we know the main subject of them ,such as a kerryman :/
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 18 Apr 2012, 12:23:17
kerryman are people from Kerry (ireland)
dubliners like to joke around about them
they always pretend like everyone from Kerry is stoopid (<--- did that on purpose)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: masterrbc on 18 Apr 2012, 20:34:27
kerryman are people from Kerry (ireland)
dubliners like to joke around about them
they always pretend like everyone from Kerry is stoopid (<--- did that on purpose)

TBH,  i don't really get it :/ and good luck btw :P

But jus' saying, make your jokes so we all got a feeling for it
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 18 Apr 2012, 21:32:15
that cow one was real good have a diamond [diamond]
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 18 Apr 2012, 21:56:48
TBH,  i don't really get it :/ and good luck btw :P

But jus' saying, make your jokes so we all got a feeling for it
if you dont like them, dont read them instead of only commenting unfriendly things because you dont get them -.-'
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: J_O_E_S on 19 Apr 2012, 10:20:48
Masterrbc, jackmcclare, lindatjhu and Honeydew goes to the pub. rbc orders a single-malt, jack a double-malt, linda a triple-malt with lowered alcohol and honeydew 6 gallons of 30-malt. that's the joke

oh, and another one:
Legion asks Tali why she's wearing a mask. Tali answers "because of our legacy, our curse and our creation"
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: masterrbc on 19 Apr 2012, 10:35:30
TBH,  i don't really get it :/ and good luck btw :P

But jus' saying, make your jokes so we all got a feeling for it
if you dont like them, dont read them instead of only commenting unfriendly things because you dont get them -.-'

I said make it so we get it for those who do not know what things like that are. and the "Good luck btw :P" was for you ferro fluid thingy anyway, i wasn't trying to be spiteful or anything, i was just saying to make jokes that we will get without needing an explanation...
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 19 Apr 2012, 10:52:13
TBH,  i don't really get it :/ and good luck btw :P

But jus' saying, make your jokes so we all got a feeling for it
if you dont like them, dont read them instead of only commenting unfriendly things because you dont get them -.-'

I said make it so we get it for those who do not know what things like that are. and the "Good luck btw :P" was for you ferro fluid thingy anyway, i wasn't trying to be spiteful or anything, i was just saying to make jokes that we will get without needing an explanation...
some people get them some people dont its always that way
if you dont get it then wait for the next day ...

Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 19 Apr 2012, 10:54:28
how do you recognice a Kerryman (you know what Ill call them idiots from now on so some people may understand) on an oil rig?
|
|
|
|
V
He is the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: masterrbc on 19 Apr 2012, 22:14:03
how do you recognice a Kerryman (you know what Ill call them idiots from now on so some people may understand) on an oil rig?
|
|
|
|
V
He is the one throwing crusts of bread to the helicopters.

Ok, that one was good :P
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: achmedofhell on 19 Apr 2012, 22:27:03
I tested 20% for minecraft addiction (which is true)


That is the joke
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 19 Apr 2012, 22:37:04
I tested 20% for minecraft addiction (which is true)


That is the joke

I tested aswell... 90 % :3
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: achmedofhell on 19 Apr 2012, 23:18:39
I tested 20% for minecraft addiction (which is true)


That is the joke

I tested aswell... 90 % :3
I noticed lol
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Jayjay36 on 19 Apr 2012, 23:27:02
Here's a very dirty joke...

Ok, you ready for this?

Here it is...

A white horse fell in mud.... >.>
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 20 Apr 2012, 07:24:19
Here's a very dirty joke...

Ok, you ready for this?

Here it is...

A white horse fell in mud.... >.>

genius!! xD
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 20 Apr 2012, 07:27:26
How do you keep an idiot happy for a whole afternoon?
|
|
|
|
|
|
V
Write PTO on both sided of a sheet of paper.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: J_O_E_S on 20 Apr 2012, 08:22:39
how do you get fumblemore to stop blowing up TNT?


ANSWER: give him C4
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 21 Apr 2012, 22:33:22
almost forgot todays joke :O

how do you make an idiot laugh on Monday?
|
|
|
|
V
tell him a joke on Friday
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 21 Apr 2012, 22:43:39
(https://embed.noobscraft.com/6148523063484d364c79396c626d4e79655842305a57517464474a754d69356e6232396e62475575593239744c326c745957646c637a397850585269626a7042546d513552324e5356324a68536c52494c566f324e6e4a53595746544d32597761306335616b4669614852695748466e56585651556e4a585a553534656d705961457851525856724f454642)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: J_O_E_S on 22 Apr 2012, 08:34:34
how many memes does nickolas have on his computer?
|
|
|
|
|
|
\/
as many as his hardware can manage
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 22 Apr 2012, 09:55:04
an idiot drove his new car over a cliff.
he wanted to test the air brakes.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 22 Apr 2012, 23:26:07
@linda
(https://embed.noobscraft.com/6148523063484d364c79396c626d4e79655842305a57517464474a754d53356e6232396e62475575593239744c326c745957646c637a397850585269626a7042546d513552324e545a554e56626a5a4b6231687758303958626a464e5257784b5a57747454553830545642334d32457852585133616a6458615567345757704a53316b7457555a6b63564e6e)

also i couldn't think up a good joke so have a comic instead
(https://embed.noobscraft.com/6148523063446f764c32686c616d6c696158527a4c6d4e766253396a6232317059334d764d6a41784d5330784d4330784d4331305a5852796232317059326c6b5a533577626d635f)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 22 Apr 2012, 23:37:11
@nickolas lol xD

and todays joke..

how do you recognize an idiotic pirate?
|
|
|
|
|
|
V
He's the one with a patch over each eye.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 23 Apr 2012, 04:39:42
@J_O_E_S

(https://embed.noobscraft.com/6148523063446f764c324e6b626935745a57316c5a3256755a584a68644739794c6d356c64433970626e4e305957356a5a584d764e444177654338784f5449784d7a67354f4335716347635f)
lol bro
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 25 Apr 2012, 10:24:52
Im so sorry I totaly forgot yesterday x.x

so today Ill post 2


Why did John do badly at his history exam?
|
|
|
|
|
V
All the questions were about things which happened before he was born.





Teacher: "Explain the word fascinate by using it in a short sentance.

Séamus: "seán has nine buttons but can only fascinate."
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 25 Apr 2012, 22:57:36
i help by posting image joke :D

(https://embed.noobscraft.com/6148523063484d364c79396c626d4e79655842305a57517464474a754d79356e6232396e62475575593239744c326c745957646c637a397850585269626a7042546d513552324e53574756525556525861477471526e566a6232354d57565135554441356247395a54566453646b6454547a4e6e65554e4c5a6b6831557a64504e336c5a4c57357153675f5f)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 26 Apr 2012, 08:23:25
Teacher:"Explain the word office by using it in a short sentance."

Séamus: "My dad fell office chair."
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 2 May 2012, 22:51:02
okey I know I have to post jokes for a whole week but Im tierd anddont have the time right now but when Im back home and have internet on my own laptop I will post them all <3
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: roninman0 on 3 May 2012, 04:50:26
I got some funny blonde jokes but idk if they are to "Good" :p

Here is another one less Inappropriate:

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

And one more just for fun :D what do ya do when a blonde throws a grenade at you... (im blond <3) pull the pin and throw it back

A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you." "Oh, great," he said, "What is it?" "It's called the door!"


Hope you like them may come with more later but the post will be to long :/
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: roninman0 on 3 May 2012, 04:51:04
Yo mama so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard :D

(not directed towards anyone)
except yo mama XD
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: roninman0 on 3 May 2012, 04:54:46
I tested 20% for minecraft addiction (which is true)


That is the joke

I tested aswell... 90 % :3
I noticed lol aswell did i test... im minecraft addicted OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!%
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: roninman0 on 3 May 2012, 05:00:04
Yo mama so fat she is the ( theoretical ) big bang LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 3 May 2012, 05:22:20
^
(https://embed.noobscraft.com/6148523063484d364c79396c626d4e79655842305a57517464474a754d69356e6232396e62475575593239744c326c745957646c637a397850585269626a7042546d513552324e526456704b524778485331686f6448647757586832596d7453527a467164576c69646c426c616c4530656e68705a46394e536a4e66556e707355464258557a5a3453515f5f)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Nebih on 5 May 2012, 16:37:17
Yo mama so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard :D

(not directed towards anyone)
Yo mamma jokes so old and over used, Just like yo mamma.

It is the ultimate yo mamma joke. I do it everytime! :)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Jayjay36 on 5 May 2012, 20:36:15
Yo mama so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard :D

(not directed towards anyone)
Yo mamma jokes so old and over used, Just like yo mamma.

It is the ultimate yo mamma joke. I do it everytime! :)
But then aren't you just reflecting it at yourself? You make fun of "yo mama" jokes by saying a "yo mama" joke, lol.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 8 May 2012, 09:09:52
and now.... the jokes you all have been waiting for... *cough* jokes for more then a week because of that holiday and all.....

Teacher: "Explain the word juicy by using it in a short sentance.
Séamus: "Juicy that boy over there?"

Teacher: "The River Lee flows into Cork harbour - that's its mouth. Where's its source?"
Niall:"At the other end, sir."

Teacher: "Tell me your three favourite things about school Emma."
Emma: "Christmas holidays, Easter holidays and summer holidays, sir."

Teacher: "Why was President de Valera buried in Glasnevin?"
Lisa: "Because he was dead, sir."

Teacher: "Who was it knocked down the walls of Jericho?"
Danniel: "It wasn't me, sir."

Fergus: "What shall we bring on our camping trip? "
Jack: "I'm taking a gallon of whiskey in case of rattlesnake bites. What about you?"
Fergus: "two rattlesnakes!"

Headmaster: "Where have you been, Janet? You should have been here at nine o'clock."
Janet: "Why, sir, what happened?"

Mick: "My dog's got no nose."
Brian: "How does he smell?"
Mick: "Awful!"

Mick: "Our dog doesn't eat meat."
Brian: "Your dog doesn't eat meat? Why not?"
Mick: "We don't give him any."

Mick goes into the pet shop:
"Have you any dogs going cheap?"
"Sorry, all our dogs go Woof!"

thats it for the last week... :P

Stay tuned!
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: nickolas927 on 12 May 2012, 12:24:03
(https://embed.noobscraft.com/6148523063484d364c79396c626d4e79655842305a57517464474a754d69356e6232396e62475575593239744c326c745957646c637a397850585269626a7042546d513552324e534e44526e57484a73655464685a6e7030557a64504d56647962456872616b787662485a77524446455a574931647a6b7a5a6c5977656a5679555764474c55354e596a686e)

is some funny stuff
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Techsam on 14 May 2012, 03:44:28
Ive got some funny jokes :D You may die laughing

What do you call a cow with 2 legs????

Lean Beef :D

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef :D

How do you teach a cow to walk?

You put one foot in front of the odder :D

(too many cows jokes)
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 14 May 2012, 09:10:22
and again I wasnt able to post for 6 days... stupid finals -.-'

Mick:"There's a black cat in the kitchen."
Brian:"Don't worry - they're lucky."
Mick: "This one is. It's eating your dinner."

"Did you put the cat out, Mick?"
"Why? Is it on fire?"

"My dog chases everyone he sees on a bike. What should I do?"
"Take his bike away at once."

Mick:"My dog can say his name."
Brian: "Amazing! What's his name?"
Mick:"Woof!"

"Our dog bit my leg last night."
"Did you put anything on it?"
"No, he liked it as it was."

My dog's a mathematical genius. Every time I ask him what five minus three minus 2 is, he says nothing!

What's the biggest mouse in the world?
A hippopotamouse

What do you find at the top of an idiot his ladder?
A "STOP" sign

If an idiot throws a pin at you, run like mad - he's probably got the grenate between his teeth.


stay tuned!!


.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Jayjay36 on 14 May 2012, 19:01:41
I like the jokes more when they're in a list like that :P
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 14 May 2012, 22:54:10
then Ill post more every now and then
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: daniel_blackwood on 15 May 2012, 04:31:23
Two soviet policemen have been instructed to give out tickets to speeders, no matter how important or bureaucratic they are.

Gorbachev, the Premier of Russia, happens to be running late to the Kremlin, so he tells his driver, "get in back, I'll drive."

The limo speeds by, and one of the policemen goes after him. He comes back a short while later, and his friend asks him, "did you give him a ticket?" The other one says "no." "Why? We were told no matter how important!"

To which the cop replies, "Oh no, this was was WAY too important. I couldn't recognize him, but Gorbachev was his driver!"

Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 15 May 2012, 09:58:49
OMG thats genius xD

anyway here are some jokes again

What has an IQ of 144?
a group of idiots

What are idiotic nurses famous for?
waking their patients up to give them their sleeping pills.

What usually runs in idiotic families?
Noses

Colm:"Where were you going when I saw you comming back?"

"I don't mind dying,"said Cian. "It's just that you feel so stiff the day after!"

Tourist:"How far is it to the next village?"
Farmer:"Seven miles, but only five if you run."

"That does it!" said Brian, comming out of the dentist's after having all his teeth out. "I'll never do that again!"

"What would you be if you weren't Irish?" Fergal asked Murphy.
"Ashamed," said Murphy.

"I was going to give him a nasty look," said Tommy, "but he already had one."


stay tuned!!

.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: danniel1998 on 15 May 2012, 14:29:17
What are idiotic nurses famous for?
waking their patients up to give them their sleeping pills.

Quality. :P
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 23 May 2012, 22:52:25
time for a new list with jokes :D

I dont want to offend anyone with the next joke!!!

The Irish invented bagpipes and gave them to tthe scots as a joke. Trouble is the Scots haven't seen the joke yet.

"I ran after you," said Mikey, "but when I caught you up you'd gone."

"How's your son doing?"
"He's at university taking medicine."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is it doing him any good?"

My wife wants something with diamonds for Christmas, so I've bought her a pack of cards."

Nervous tourist peering over the edge at the Blarney Stone:"Do people fall here often?"
Guide:"No, sir. Only once.

Mick:"Wish I could buy Dublin Castle."
Brian:"Why do you want Dublin Castle?"
Mick: "I don't. Just wish I had the cash."

"How did you find the weather when you went to Limerick?"
"Just opened the door and there it was."

Rafferty, in restaurant: "I'll have asparagus."
Waiter:"We don't serve sparrows, but how did you know my name is Guss?"

Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Jayjay36 on 23 May 2012, 23:18:13
:(

Nice jokes :D
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Nebih on 24 May 2012, 00:18:38
Yo mama so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard :D

(not directed towards anyone)
Yo mamma jokes so old and over used, Just like yo mamma.

It is the ultimate yo mamma joke. I do it everytime! :)
But then aren't you just reflecting it at yourself? You make fun of "yo mama" jokes by saying a "yo mama" joke, lol.
no im not... oh i see what you mean.... poopy
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 31 May 2012, 21:52:29
another round of jokes :D

What do you call an intelligent idiot?
Lucky.

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
It felt crummy.

How do you make an Irish cigarette lighter?
Take out some of the tobacco.

Where does Rory O'Dracula stay when he goes to New York?
The Vampire State Building

Have you heard about the idiotic mosquito?
It caught malaria.

have you heard of the fire extinguisher made for dummies factory?
it burned to the ground

An idiot won teh Tour de France and set off on a lap of honour.
He hasn't been seen since.

Casey had a job at the circus and one night he remembered he'd forgotten to lock the lion's cage.
"It won't matter,"he said.
"Who's going to steal a lion?"

stay tuned!!!


.
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: Nebih on 3 Jun 2012, 04:20:52
Okay I got one about a grandma talking to her grandson! >.<

 Margret was out walking with her Grandson.

  He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth.

She took the item away from him and asked him not to do that.

'Why' her Grandson asked.

"Because it's been on the ground;
you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," She replied.

  At this point, her Grandson looked at Margret with total admiration and asked,

"Grandma, how do you know all this stuff??
You are so smart."

  She was thinking quickly and said to him,

"all Grandmas know stuff.  It's on the Grandma Test.

You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."

They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes,
but he was evidently pondering this new information.

"Oh....I get it! he beamed,

So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa".

 'Exactly,' She replied with a big smile on her face.

 
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: masterrbc on 8 Jun 2012, 00:25:20
A little low on jokes atm are we? :/
Title: Re: Every day a Joke
Post by: lindatjuh on 8 Jun 2012, 02:19:20
Im just posting sround every week now because people like it more when I post more then one joke atm